I always thought you were supposed to become more mellow as you got older. More time on the planet meant you had more perspective. You’ve been through and survived more, so you’re less likely to spin yourself and more convinced that everything is going to turn out okay, since it pretty much has so far. It’s not working like that for me. My politics is getting more extreme and my patience is dwindling. The most notable thing, though, is that I’m getting more fearful.
Back in May, I flew to the Old Country. It was a wicked early morning flight (anything to save a buck in this modern world, right?) and I was amped up on caffeine. I was lucky enough to be on an empty flight and I had the whole row to myself. I was looking out the window when I suddenly realized: both the engines could fail and we could PLUMMET from the SKY right NOW. I’ve logged my fair share of miles over the years and been through de-icing (really no big deal but I hate the smell and remember the various crashes that brought about the modern de-icing rules), sick passengers, and landings when people clapped after we touched the ground. This was a clear day on an empty flight and I was creeping up on losing it.
I took some deep breaths, played my favorite movie on the iPod, and took it one mile at a time for the rest of the flight. We made it just fine, just like on the hundred other flights to which I’ve been a party. As Linda Richman would say, “no big whoop.”
Why did this happen? Why do I think more about germs on doorknobs, contaminated food, the collapse of the economy, and four more years of a Republican in the White House more often than a reasonable person would? Do we live in more fearful times and it’s justified or am I just overly sensitive?
When I was sitting on that plane, I suddenly felt a connection to Mr. Monk from TV and all the real Obsessive-Compulsives in the world. Thankfully, my laziness still extends into my neuroses, so I’m unwilling to spend a lot of clock cycles on this stuff. Otherwise, I would spend a lot of time wondering: how can everyone else *not* be afraid?