What are Tuesday nights supposed to be like? I’m not so certain anything is all that different now than from when I was a kid. I come home from work (school), have dinner, waste time, avoid chores, argue with myself (my mom) about going to bed, and end up staying awake long past a reasonable hour. The only big difference is that I have to get my own dinner and carry on the conversations of reproach without any help from a parent figure.
I guess I’m always struggling with the fact that I’m a grown-up now. I don’t feel like I always expected a grown-up should feel, like I’m missing some key component that would legitimize me. But when I look into the faces of college students, or even worse, high schoolers, I don’t feel completely like them either. I can’t find that sense of responsibility that an adult should have, and I don’t have any of the naivete, optimism, and inhibition that kids enjoy.
The problem must be that I’ve moved beyond the age when I’m discovering more new things than I’m repeating on a daily basis. While I still try to learn something new every day, it’s always in a very repetitive context. School is good for breaking that up; alternating classes on different days and changing topics and teachers a few times over the year mixes things up.
Following an academic calendar also gives a pronounced topography of peaks and valleys that went with the passage of time. Gearing up for the start of school and being relieved when the end of it is in sight has a distinct impact on one’s mood. Accountants have this with tax season, farmers have planting and harvesting, and the guy that produces the Academy Awards has a build-up to one big thing every year. While there’s periodicity in our lives, the rest of us don’t get to enjoy that sort of predictable yet dynamic ebb and flow.
I think I’m just looking at my youth through rose colored glasses. I hated that I got such a brief period of quiet in the summer and winter when I was in school, and that I could only travel at the same time as everyone else. But having an outside force create a little irregularity throughout the year has its beneifts when all the days start to run together.