I have a theory: things are more bearable if one is not trapped into doing them. I’m willing to put up with a lot more if I know I can do just a little bit extra to get out of it. When I’m stuck in a bad situation, I have to deal with both the badness and the fact that I can’t escape. I guess it’s a form of claustrophobia. Just knowing there’s a way out takes some pressure off, even if that way out isn’t feasible.
Lately that way out isn’t quite as obvious to me. I feel stuck in many different ways and I’m tired of it — I’m not used to feeling powerless. I guess I’m a spoiled brat: woe is me, too many things are outside of my control and I don’t like it!
Feeling trapped and powerless is a sort of definition of being in danger, and Psych 101 taught me that triggers the fight-or-flight response. It makes humans act like animals and animals act irrationally. I don’t want to do that; I can hardly rationalize most of what I do when I have a clear head.
I’ve been trying to make rational changes to free myself from this trapped feeling, and to little avail. My patience is wearing thin. Often when people feel trapped, their irrational response puts them in a worse situation than they were in before. That’s the stuff cliches are made of. Nobody wants to be cliche.